31 May 2018

Sitting here watching the Cavaliers in the finals and feel the need to document my mom’s love of LeBron James for her grandkids to remember. Motherly love. Crazy stage mom love. “He got them to the finals but he can’t DO IT ALL” in a hysterical, they’re putting too much pressure on my boy text today. It makes us laugh. All because of the documentary made about his childhood and, after watching it, it does make you appreciate his heart.

Anyway, it’s what makes her interesting I guess.

My neighbors gave me two tiny orphaned kittens she found on the street bc apparently I’m the neighborhood cat lady. The vet whispered (because Ruth and Annie were next to me) that there’s still a 50/50 shot for survival. He also said don’t get the vax shots unless we’re keeping them and when I said we were going to just foster for a few weeks, he looked at the girls then back at me and said Uh huh, I’ll be seeing you for the shots.

They’ve already been named Ginger and Petunia. I really don’t know how my life got to this.

29 may 2018

So is he gonna be our Uncle Scott, the girls asked? I was so excited to share with them that their Aunt Amy was getting engaged. We all got to be part of the surprise at a private screening where she thought she was going to see a documentary, but really Scott had fake tickets, emails, and previews created to fool her. And then he made her a sweet video documenting their time together before bringing her down in front.

It was so special. Ryan didn’t blink when I told him it was on a Thursday night, he told me to go and to take my time driving home the next day. That’s special to me too. He’s a superhero dad, taking them to Gertie’s eye appointment and swim therapy the next day. Thank you Ryan. I had so much fun.

I met my parents at their home and was quickly whisked into their car to pick up my Aunt Mary. We were about an hour early, but they were nervous they’d mess up the surprise. We were instructed to spread out around the theatre and to NOT TURN AROUND. I told Dad he needed a ball cap because his head is recognizable, but he declined. Later, Amy said she saw his head, thought it was him, but then didn’t think my mom’s hair looked like her so dismissed it.

Aunt Sue got the memo and covered up her distinctive cut and color. I think she should keep on wearing scarves, we all thought she looked so cute.


We went to a nearby bar afterwards to eat and celebrate. Amy, in her thank you speech to everyone, used the word “merge” and I cackled because that goes back to when she’d visit me in college, fresh from her important corporate job, and tried to get my friends to discuss recent company mergers. Here we are, 20 years later, and she’s still forcing it on us.

So happy for you guys!!

Dropped off my Aunt Mary, we all popped in for a glass of whiskey with her and Uncle Donald, slept hard, went out to eat for breakfast with my parents and then drove home. I honestly needed those 24 hours.

Ruthie drew a picture of the bride and groom and we all ooohed and aahhhhed.


And then turned it over. Sigh.

Memorial Weekend was laid back. Finding box turtles and playing non stop on their inflatable slide. Our yard looks like a circus came through now, but you know, do what you gotta do. Gertie loves watching her sisters tumble down and the water doesn’t fill up too fast so that means I don’t have to be on high alert with G. Because of that, I sat in a chair next to it and blew through two books in two days. It feels amazing to get back into reading, but now I need to set boundaries because I could escape into it too easily.



18 May 2018

In our makeshift creek again today. 😆 We are the epitome of trash and I’m happy they’ll one day say, remember how we’d play in that big puddle everyday?

I struggle with guilt every darn day. And not to sound one-uppity, it’s a 100 million times worse than regular ole mom guilt. With a special needs kid, you can tell yourself at any second of any day that you should be doing more with them: working on standing up, walking in her walker, practicing her words. You can spiral so deep into the she isn’t progressing because I’m not working with her any chance I get.

And yet I have to believe that letting her sit in a puddle all afternoon in the sunshine is just as beneficial. I have to or I’ll go crazy and I’m already halfway there anyway.

I have a second blog where I let a literal stream of consciousness flow from my fingertips. Where questions and accusations and love and hatred and shame and pride all come to an intersection of prayer. It always ends in prayer unintentionally. But because it’s easier for me to write than to say, and since i hardly take time to pray, I feel God meeting me in the easiest way possible.

17 may 2018

This week has flown by. Ruthie and I went to an estate sale and she found a $2 Hello Kitty skateboard. If she could teach herself how to do this like how she did bike riding, my life will be a breeze. Her goal is to get good enough to go to a skate park with ramps.


Yesterday we went to a strawberry patch and absolutely gorged ourselves while picking.

I found my future job as a strawberry picker. They lay on their bellies looking through one of those massage pillows while a tractor pulls them along.


And today Annie told me she told her preschool teacher that I look like a big kid. There was a 50/50 split going into a description of her mom, so was surprised I landed on the younger side. I’ll take it, Annie Banany!

Also, Gertie officially climbed out of her crib and I’m taking that as a win. Way to push through the milestones!

15 may 2018

We went camping this weekend. You should’ve seen my pinterest board full of hacks. But with us being sick and Ryan working 70 hours plus, we had zero time or energy to worry about any of it. This campground is just a few minutes away, so we just kind of said, “meh” and tried to wing it.  Gertie caught our bug and she and I stayed back Friday night. I got a text at 9 that Annie was high on life, saying “Look at our home sweet home” in a sing-song voice and by 9:15 was curled up next to Ryan crying how scared she was.

By the time we arrived the next morning, they were completely filthy, happy, and full of Cocoa Puffs.

Next to us was the cutest family with two girls Ruth and Ann’s ages. They had a little pop up camper and their mom gave me a tour, so now I’m slowly saving my pennies to get one too.

At one point, the two oldests brought out their journals to show each other. And then they all found a big log and made a makeshift seesaw.


We had no idea where the showering station was, so just threw them in the lake. Meh!

Gertie and I went back home Saturday night again, but we’re excited to try it for real next time.

Today, Ruth and I picked up some books at the library and went for a walk. She wanted to carry a longer chapter book. Halfway through our walk, we found a bench and I read several of those chapters.


Sitting in the woods, with my girl, reading a spinoff to Rapunzel. Yes.

11 May 2018

I keep forgetting to write about Ruthie’s graduation. Her final day of school was last week, however Annie still has preschool until the end of May, so during Gertie’s therapies I get to hang out one-on-one with Ruth Margaret. I like her.

But gosh, this photo my mom sent me of mine. If it doesn’t speak volumes to many aspects of my life and personality.

How is everyone else walking so calmly? What is this boy’s name? Where is he now? I feel like I either need to apologize or tell him you’re welcome for getting him to the stage safely while he got to gaze around aimlessly.

Okay, more pics… Annie wanted to wear every single item of clothes in her closet and all I say is, go for it sis.

We ended the night with ice cream at Chick-fil-A. Yay Ruthie!

10 may 2018

Ruthie and I have been knocked down hard with colds this week. At one point I thought I was going to fall asleep at the wheel, so felt justified asking Ryan to come home early. I have to use these requests sparingly, he is just so busy. In mid-fever pitch, I really considered hiring a personal chef so everyone would get fed without me. That push and pull of being the family meal maker, but also knowing you need to lay your butt down. It’s hard.

Today we are still coughing, so during therapy we stopped at a pho place because she’s my only adventurous eater. We didn’t talk much, just drank tea and our soup.

9 may 2018

Monday was a good day.

Annie swinging.

Ruthie making a mango smoothie by letting the chunks sit in the sun and then smashing them. It took a long time and part of me wondered if we weren’t going to see the ER later that night.

I like when she sits next to me and talks “old”.


I found a couple bows on clearance a couple months ago and have finally let them use it. Annie is still too small, she can’t even hold it up without tiring, but Ruthie latched on and I’m excited to push her down this road.

This is also the summer of getting Gertie dirty. She’s just like her sisters.



Our new neighbors came by to mow their lot and brought their 18 month old. They are just the sweetest. They hope to start building in the fall/winter after their second child is born in August. Our other friends wanted to buy that lot but ended up purchasing one across the street and until they can find a contractor that will work with their designs (it’s a steep hill), it’s gonna be slow-going. It’ll be nice to have a tribe in the same stage of life so close.

At dinner afterwards, Ruthie brought up how that their little girl is walking and Gertie isn’t. So they’re starting to notice. And Ryan always reminds me that a great gift we can give them is to learn how to care for someone less fortunate than them.

Ryan had a meeting with G’s speech therapists today. I didn’t go because we work better where he downloads the long term strategy (that’s his day job!) and then spells it out for me.  But…

They are very pleased with her.

Sometimes, in therapy, one skill emerges and takes off while the other stalls out. So while over the past 6-8 months she’s come leaps and bounds with crawling (which they didn’t think she’d do) and walking in the walker), her speech as taken a back seat. But in the last couple months, she has been increasing her speech immensely (for her), mimicking a lot which is a huge foundation. I asked them earlier this week (which is what prompted an update), what general age it is when kids start tapering off and get “stuck”. They said that she has a few years before kindergarten and a lot can happen. I guess we’ll wait and see!


7 may 2018

Just some snippits from Kate and Ryan visiting us. I had a really good time with them. Missed that feeling of someone knowing you “before” and still accepting you as you are now. They helped us man our Scavenger Hunt and after everyone left, we sat in this corner here talking a bit.


Ryan announcing the winner.

And as I sank into my chair exhausted from pretending I’m an extrovert, we said Okay just one more. And we scooted the table a little down to see the dance floor.

And then we said Okay, just one more and then stood at the edge of the dance floor. And then we said Okay, just one more and we all belted along with the karaoke singers.
The Okay just one more’s slow rolled until we ended up eating at Waffle House and getting home at 3am. I can’t even tell you the last time we stayed out so late. It was extremely, extremely needed.

But the little bits before our night out were just what I’d expect from a visit from them too.

Like Ryan blending in with the tablecloth.
They arrived Friday morning, Ryan squared went golfing, and Kate and I had our usual talks ranging from funny to serious to me crying when she played a song on Pandora, to us regurgitating the same. ancient. stories. like we’re 75 years old.

Also this, Kate needing a defense weapon against sweet little Fluffy. She’s legitimately scared of birds.

Thank you Kate. You made me feel young again. Young, but without the stress of wondering if I my check would bounce the next day.
Love ya guys – thanks for coming down. I know your drive home must’ve been awful. We’re not that young.