I actually had to write this down as a New Years resolution: be sillier this year. Also, take gun lessons and learn beekeeping. You know, a natural flow of goals.

But more important than those, this year I’m going to be gentle with myself. Right now that means going deeper with a few rather than spreading myself thin. That means attending Celebrate Recovery as often as I can to deal with residue from raising a special needs child. That means questioning what my intention is on social media, and removing myself from it. I want to be a participant rather than a spectator. Because in the end, spectating ain’t for me. It makes me angry and annoyed and cynical of others’ intentions and, sometimes, blue. I’ve gone off and on again, taking breaks. But, honestly, for me, I feel that if I’m to care for my friends and family, I need to be intentional with them.

One of my fears of truly letting go is not knowing if something is happening in another’s life. (The irony is that I should already be in their life.) I asked one of my girlfriends to become my mini-announcer if anyone in a certain circle needs help and she immediately asked to get coffee tonight. I’m taking it as a sign and moving forward.

Please pray for me in this journey to healing and silliness. It’s an odd combo to achieve.