Nudity, Blindness, and Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome

That pretty much sums up my weekend, goodbye.

How other adults managed to get through withoutta one of those things amazes me. And now makes me wonder if they were in fact robots with skin. Or maybe they though I was the robot. Or maybe we all thought everyone else was the robot and spent the entire weekend packing heat in our swimsuit in case a robot war should suddenly break out. That would immediately rule me out as one since I’d be the only idiot to jump into the water with said heat, spoiling the bullets. Or maybe that would be a ruse because my robot brain actually made a waterproof gun? Or maybe that wou– I have a headache.

Hold up. This chick doesn’t look like she’s joking.

10649582_10154593276935372_1158749795314224708_nGuess I should’ve watched my back a little more closely.

Here are the friends (and robots):
10636053_10154593270390372_612499520228501290_nDoesn’t everyone look so sweet and innocent? Let’s just say that after the “be silly” photo, I predict another baby will be born next year. Not a collier baby, much to Ryan’s disappointment, because I was too busy blushing with my legs crossed. It didn’t stop me from staring, though. And taking notes.

The house! It had a pool with pool house, a stocked pond, a play-set which we never used, a bunk house, and a yurt… all down windy dirt roads in the middle of nowhere. That didn’t stop a Jehovah’s Witness to visit though. I need a little bit of that determination, so I channeled it into my pool floating/drink holding abilities.


The first night everyone swam, ate, and then pretty much crashed. Or at least they faked being tired after seeing Zac break out the sprinkler, so they could hide under the covers.
10636156_10154593281990372_3681775805960815738_nHis son took the dance move literally and sprinkled all over the lawn. Ruthie is his soulmate, based only on that piece of info. On the way home from somewhere, she had to go to the bathroom. So Ryan said that if she held it til home, she could pee in the yard. As a reward. Forget presents this year for her birthday, I’ll just let her pop a squat all day and call it good.

That night the few remaining stayed up and played a game. At one point Ryan gave an ornery answer, so I had to go in the polar opposite to balance it out. I would’ve fallen on a sword to prove my stance…. or at least to a rally and hold a sign.

After the game, we cheersed to getting into the hot tub. I ran back to our bathroom, shucked off my clothes like they were on fire, and plopped onto the toilet. Fully naked. And then I connected eyes with someone in the hallway.

What the.

It took me ten minutes to cover up, it felt like. I didn’t know which roll to go for first… do I cover the one slumped over onto my thighs? Or do I push up my boobs with the hopes of them looking like they are naturally a Victoria’s Secret bra.

I opted for neither and just stared until she ran away.

She became Ruthie’s soulmate after that too. On the front lawn.

The next (early) morning, 300 gallons of coffee was drunk, an awesome breakfast was fixed. Did someone say chocolate gravy as well as powdered sugar pancakes? Yes, yes they did. I did. Because I ate both, rolls be damned.

Afterwards, some of us went to the pool and the rest went to the pond to fish.


10409591_10152753463422932_5826814341861380126_nRuthie caught her first fish and I caught my first heart attack at watching the kids jump from a stone waterfall thing. Maybe it brought up bad memories of when I (broke? sprained?) my tailbone jumping off a cliff. Read at your own discretion here.

After a while it was the girls’ naps, so Ryan and I went in to put them down. And then we fell asleep too. I woke up and walked back out to the pool where all the moms were still goin’ strong. I was ordered to put on my swimsuit and came back out with some stuff for mimosas.
That’s where my life almost took a drastic turn. I watched Alarie open up a bottle of bubbly early that (okay, morning… not gonna lie) and she screwed off the lid. Now that’s my kinda champagne! No need to put on airs. So when I broke out the next bottle at the pool, I leaned over that sucker twisting off the wire thing holding, oh just the wood cork. It popped and that guy grazed my cheek into the air, right below my eye. It wasn’t until afterwards that I got shaken, mostly because it was admitted that my friendship with them wouldn’t continue if I had to wear a patch.

This reminds me when I crossed my eyes and asked my high school girlfriends if they’d still like me if I got kicked in the head by a horse. I’ll let you guess what they said.


The kids all took long naps and we got some good girl time in the water.

More swimming with kids, more food was eaten, more running around,  more playing, and more limes were cut.



Oh, then, then, then.

Then we played Cards Against Humanity.
10414454_10154593282140372_3889671949886161003_nLawdy. AJ texted me the thursday night before and asked if she should really bring it. Because after going through the deck, it looked really awful. I texted back that I’d just gotten done with a bible study and all sorts of full of the Holy Spirit, so don’t ask me. I needed a couple days to be brought down from grace.

They brought it though. And Dang. I’ve never wheezed and snorted so much in my life. That normally comes out on group date #35, but there’s no way I was gonna hold that in.

I think the reason why it worked was that none of us talk that way in day-to-day life. So to hear some of these things come out of their mouths was… hysterical. Many times it was overheard: “I’m sorry to make you say this.

And I, of course, took the opportunity to pull out my soap box from under the couch, stand on it, and make a speech defending Ryan’s character from the previous night. And like all my soap box speeches, it ended in groans from the audience. I forged ahead though, like I always do. Against everyone’s wishes.

But. Guess who also was able to be the biggest offender in an offensive game? No, not Ryan… didn’t you hear my speech?! Leave it up to Carolyn. It was a personal card answered to a personal question. The crowd hushed, others ran to the defense of who ever threw down that card, and I blacked out for a few minutes. When I came-to, I yelled out my reasoning and then spent the rest of the time dwelling on it (I mean, in between snorting and wheezing at other answers, that is.)

I’m a dweller. And I dwelled and dwelled and dwelled, until I bombarded them so much with my dwelling that they only remembered that instead of the card. Score! I’ll take it.

I think we stayed up until 2am that night, which for this mama is a record two nights in a row. Obviously that means it was a good time with the right people. I literally went home and started looking up other places to go, I was that jazzed to do this again.

Well, minus the blog title.

No Excuses

No big deal. Just a month late. I do have big news to share though… Guess who is pr–





–aise the Lord sleeping through the night?! Annie-girl (and Ruthie-girl). Ruth used to always climb into bed with us at some point in the night. I loved it, even if she liked to sleep horizontally forcing one of us to finish the night on the couch in doing so. We didn’t care because she’s fun to cuddle with. But lately she’s been staying put and we have been getting full nights of sleep.

This is probably the first time since July 2011 that I’ve gotten a full night’s sleep.

Let that sink in for a moment. 3 years. (!!!)

I’m finally starting to feel like myself again, which is probably scary for most people, but delightful for me. Now I have to learn to curb my ‘take every class, volunteer in every organization, meet up with every person’ self and continue with discernment. Oh, but how I want to do, do, do!

Anyway, back to our visit to KC.

We had to make a pit stop (or three) partways there, so I asked if we could find a thrift store in Nevada, MO.


Ruthie felt right at home in the mess apparently. Whatever.


…and I found a nice addition to my wedding ring. I can’t tell if the ring makes the ring look old or if my hand makes the ring look old. Don’t answer that.


Anyway, cute little one main street Nevada! Look at all these store fronts! Guess which one was my favorite. I’ll give you a hint. It didn’t have blue paint or my name on it.




You got it. Give me dirty, crumbling siding and plaster or give me death I tell you! Am I the only person who would buy this property and leave it as is? Yummy.

Do you know who is becoming a big girl? Annie. My funny, silly, WALKING (as of today) Annie. She loves her some books. If it gets quiet in the toy room, I’ll peek in and she’s normally sitting in the middle of a pile of books. If she sees me, she’ll hunt me down dragging one with her for me to read. I NEVER say no. Can’t. Won’t.

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESI hope they continue to read on road trips.

We spent the first night at my sister’s house. This probably isn’t the best pic of what I saw, but when she walked out I immediately thought she looked rich. She wasn’t wearing anything spectacular but she wore it really really well. It was an odd feeling as we fell out of our camper van, like I was the pauper sister. So I made her cook me dinner and ordered her about for a bit to make myself feel better.


Elayna and I played Pepper, which I haven’t played in…. oh, SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.


Ruthie was in cousin heaven. She could hang with these guys any night of the week. They are so good to her.


Later she was given an ice cream cone as well as an opportunity to jump on a trampoline.

At the same time.

It was the back neighbor’s house and we watched in slow motion as Ruthie climbed one-handed onto the trampoline. I looked at rich Lisa, she looked back. Ruth managed to stand in the middle of it and do one small little jump that brought her legs up to her chest and fell down on that dang ice cream cone.

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESIt made me laugh so hard. You had to be there.

Ryan spent the evening watching Will play baseball. Ryan said he was the best player on the team by seven grades. Later that night Lisa and I took turns making the other watch our favorite tv shows. Both were hour long shows, so we switched back and forth every 15 minutes. Neither of us wanted to give up our own, but we managed.

The next morning we picked up Amy to visit one of our family friends. On the way, we popped into Trader Joe’s for some 2 Buck Chuck. I like the fine things in life.

I bee-lined for the wine, picked out a box and started filling up like it was a freaking race. Grabbed both top flaps, turned to find everyone. And then I heard it. The crash of a bottle.. then the feeling of the rest falling. Amazingly only one broke… and apparently I tried to turn as red as the wine itself so no one would see me.


Red, but still visible. Someone shoot me, it’s flipping 9am and I look like a lush. It didn’t help that all the employees were OVERLY nice. Like, so nice it was really awkward. And Ruthie pretended to not know me. Get used to it girl.

We made it to Chris’ house and had such a lovely visit! He’s battling thyroid cancer and just blew us away with his hope and heart. We hadn’t seen each other in several years, but with Chris nothing changes. Same laugh, same (great) story-telling, and same love for us. And vice versa. My favorite part was watching his daughter sit and listen to him. She would just gaze at him while he talked. I about burst into tears.


Afterwards, we dropped off the kids at my parent’s house and headed to my cousins’ for an adults-only boat ride. Can I get a HUZZAH!? We are finally tasting a teeny bit of freedom. Just enough to make us giddy, and just enough to smother the girls with kisses when we come back.

Not gonna lie, I felt good that night. No weight had changed, no make-up put on differently… I think it was just going to the lake (and not having to wear a swimsuit.) Cue gratuitous selfies galore. I literally could not stop taking selfies. Why didn’t I bring a mirror to make out with myself, it was really embarrassing. These were only just the tip of the iceberg. And I’m pretty sure it’s the iceberg that sank the titanic.

Embarrassing stories were shared and defended and corrected. What was shared on the boat, STAYS ON THE BOAT. We’re looking at you, Beth & Katie.

Selfie alert:


Me looking at my selfies alert:


We got home, laid around the next day, then headed right back out to the lake for fireworks.  The weather this year.. I know you remember. It was awesome. Breezy and not hot at all.

This girl: happy. And slobbery.

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESRuthie followed cousin Will around like a puppy dog. He is the nicest to her, it’s crazy. That boy and his soft heart.

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESI joked on Facebook that this is Ann-girl and her Marilla. Still sticking by that.

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESLisa and Joe took the canoe out for a romantic ride. At one point we lost where they went, and then we busted up.
SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESIt looks calm in the photo, but boats were going by them on all sides. Lisa rowed them back in.



She loves me I swear:
SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESRuthie and Annie rocked the fireworks. Neither cried or slept. It was a good, good night.

The next day we were set to leave after lunch, but beforehand Dad mentioned off-hand something about my mom’s birthday. Mom’s birthday? Oh. My. Gosh. How could I have forgotten!!??

So I grabbed all of the things that I had already given her when we arrived.. you know, half-used room spray (because she said it smelt like her house growing up) and a bridge score card (because, well, they’ve reached the bridge-playing age. For some reason they keep saying we need to learn how to play too. I am an old fart inside I think. Yay!)
SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESWe sang happy birthday, ate chinese food, and all split one piece of cake. Great birthday party, I’m sure.
SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESThe way home took pretty much all day. Annie had blow-outs galore and in general everyone was in a bad mood. I must have blocked it out.

BUT, the next day I finally got a good photo of Annie crying. She always evades me with these cries… as soon as the camera comes out, it’s over. But I got it Annie. I got it.
SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESBack to happy, though. The roller coaster ride of emotions. It’s intense.