Today I found myself looking eye to (sideways) eye with my daughter and physically seeing these sweet moments slipping away. I say sideways eye because sometimes she won’t look you directly in the eye. Even when she knows that you’re looking at her. When that happens, I’ll turn my face to the side but keep my eyes on her and say “Look at Mama!” and when she sees that my face is turned will she look at me, only to discover that (surprise!) mama’s still looking at her.
While laying on my chest, she will reach up and place her small palm on (or in) my mouth, silencing whatever was being said… which was most likely, “Mama’s gonna kiss you!” because I literally cannot not kiss those cheeks every time I pick her up. I think I might be addicted.
Those are just some of the moments… I can’t capture them all with the camera. But I try. And here’s some that have been.
1. Deciding that toe jam will be her first solid food. Apparently it’s only when she is toe-knuckle deep that she stares me dead on.
2. The odd napping contortions. Sometimes, they take my breath away and check to make sure she’s breathing. After being reassured, I usually wonder if she’ll end up in a circus side show and daydream about her act and her character’s name.
3. Enduring the first ear infection together at exactly six months. She was mostly fired up and screaming. It was only while nursing that I saw how weak and tired she was. I never want to feel her weak nursing again. I cried several times.
4. Watching her watch Baby Einstein. The intensity. I hope she’ll put that to good use. Like, towards her circus sideshow act.
5. Noticing that her rolly polly thighs completely distract the eye from her mismatched socks.
6. Taking afternoon naps together and boy do we have the position down. My right leg is bent up pinning her high on my chest, her left arm is hanging down along the back of the couch (and occasionally, until she falls asleep, she will massage that side of my stomach), my right arm creates a crook for her lay her body and head, and, finally, my nose and mouth positioned right above her head to alternately breath in her Ruthie-smell and kiss her forehead. This is what I’ll miss the most.
7. Seeing her lips go plump and loose during her most rested state.
8. When not sleeping on my chest, holding her hand until she falls asleep. This one little act does more to calm her down than anything else at the moment.
9. And last, but not least, her already realizing that I’m the coolest person in the world.
Today I felt very melancholy for some reason. Maybe it had to do with a sad episode of Little House on the Prairie series I’m currently watching, I’m not sure. But she can cheer me up anytime I’m needing it. I love her so.