Ruthie was gracious enough to invite us on a picnic outing over the weekend. The weather was absolutely gorgeous. We packed up a lunch and then about 15 other bags full of random things that were never needed. It’s trial and error right now, trying to figure out the least we can get away with while towing a 5 week old.

I was intent to stay on that blanket for as long as possible. Could you blame me? Check out the color of that sky. Perfect.

I was in charge of getting lunch together while R played with Ruthie. Egg salad sandwiches, cheese and crackers, apples, celery with peanut butter… oh and a jumbo sized bag of Tootsie Roll pops. I fear I have an addiction.

At some point in my teenage years, I must have run into a dealer on the street who opened up his trench coat and revealed hanging tootsie roll pops. “The first one’s free, girlie.” And the rest is history. I’ve been waking up at odd hours of the night to eat them and then disposing of the evidence so R doesn’t know. Not like he’d care. In fact, the only person who is going to care is my dentist. I have my first appointment since having Ruth in a few weeks, and I think there’s about 300 cavities living in my teeth. Two of them found love and have since started a family.

So with a pop in my mouth, I started to spread the egg salad.

And then something flutter by me and landed nearby. Oh, just a leaf… Yay Fall, I thought.

And then I looked closer.

And then I looked at R.

No.

Please, God, no.

The dreaded booger sucker and R was knuckle deep with it.

“Sorry, it’s just not working,” he said. “It won’t suck them all the way in. So I have to find some way to dispose of them.”

And by disposing of them, he means attaching them onto leaves and then throwing them into the beautiful gentle breeze.

So that it can drift its way right next to my lunch-making station.

I looked at the leaf again and dry heaved. They say that, as a mother, you don’t get grossed out by your kid’s excretions. Well, whoever they are, are wrong.

Fricken disgusting, Ruth. Use a kleenex.

That booger sucker must have also sucked out Ruth’s energy because she immediately zonked out.

So what did we do on a wonderful day outside? Watch a dvd of course. We’re crazy about Mad Men and had a few episodes left to watch. Ruth didn’t mind. Next time, we’ll fly a kite we swear.

You see? She really didn’t care. Look at her mouth. When it’s all pushed out like that, she is happily dreaming away.

Probably dreaming of better skin, from the looks of it. We’re in week 3 of baby acne and it took zero seconds before R brought up the classic pizza face commercial below.

We still love you, Ruth. You’re a beautiful before photo of a Clearasil model.

After our romp in the hay with Mad Men, R pulled out our financials to work on for next month. As soon as he said, “finan…” he heard snoring and looked around.

What.

It was Ruth’s fault.