Up yours, Led Zeppelin. I know you really didn’t climb those stairs, because if you had, you would’ve found that there is no euphoric state of bliss at the top. No Willy Wonka wonderland, with gummy bear trees… no. Only a heart that’s two seconds away from failure and eyes bulging to the edge of their lids.

I’ve been to Dante’s Inferno and lived, my friends.  And at this moment, I am in heaven…sitting on my couch, watching Predator, and eating popcorn. No stairs involved.

Our friends had mentioned a place on the university’s campus where people go to run stairs. “It hurts” was what they said.

Okay. I understand not wanting to hype up a movie to your friends before they see it, or rave about a meal you’re about to serve, lest the letdown is so huge that it ruins your friendship.

But please. Please give extra emphasis if you’re leading me into a near death experience.

We walked up to this hidden stairway amongst jungle-like leaves, wondering if at the top would be some ancient mayan ruin.

I was the first to lead and made it to, oh, about right where you see me before I wanted to call it quits. Call it quits and just head straight to the first buffet we saw. That’s how defeated I was.

But I finally made it past the first barrier that I’m sure was in place for the people who climbed to the top and having no energy to walk back down, just heaved themselves down the steps.

I made it though.

No ancient mayan ruins. No gummy bear trees.

Just dormroom windows and a large sign “California.” For a second, I really thought I had climbed to California and so decided to just lay on the ground until someone made me a casket.  I was born there, so no need to change the headstone. Just put in my epitaph “She died doing what she loved: cursing and fantasizing about chinese food.”

In the end, we only managed to do six reps, but in our defense it was 103 degrees out. Ryan thought he had had a stroke and spent most of the time in walmart staring at puzzles in the game dept and swaying from side to side. My legs shook for a good half hour afterwards.

However, I’m ready to do it again.

Bring it, stairway. I will conquer you.