In the spirit of Halloween and sophmoric behavior, I present: The Case of the Exorbitant Excrement.
After the Thriller competition, the four of us walked into TR’s house and I headed straight to the bathroom. I noticed that the toilet lid was politely closed. For a house majority of boys, I thought Wow that’s so nice. And then I lifted the lid.
Good god almighty! Who did that??
Are they hurt?
And why didn’t they flush?? Wait, it’s NOT flushing!!!
So I marched out to the living room intending to yell at people for giving me gag reflexes.
Halfway down the hallway, someone pulled me to the side and whispered loudly that it was left there for TR to find.
The hooplah caused the rest of the house to sit down and review the facts of the night in order to catch the culprit. TR ruled out the girls since, according to him, we wouldn’t know how to turn off the toilet valve. He then proceeded to pick apart each male with reasons why they would or wouldn’t be the guilty party. For 30 minutes this went on. Sharing different hypotheses, with one important question sprinkled several times throughout the investigation: “Why wasn’t there any toilet paper in the toilet?”
Until finally, a decision was made based purely on gut feelings. TH had dunit. TR just knew he had and wouldn’t hear of any other possibility.
We parted ways that weekend with TH still thrown into the figurative prison.
And then today. We received what might be the most important piece of evidence for the case. A drawing depicting the whereabouts of TH when the crime was committed. An alibi, if you will.
There’s a pooper-non-flusher on the loose, people. Watch your commodes.