The reason my entire body aches:

Water, water, and more water. For the most part, it’s a good ache. It’s something that reminds me of how much fun we had out there. Saturday afternoon, we jumped into my Father-in-Law’s (RC) and his brother’s (M) boat for some tubing and cliff jumping at Table Rock Lake. You saw how the latter ended, but you didn’t see the story behind it. 
First, we went tubing for a bit. RC and I managed to stay on for a little while, until we did a turn that caused my entire body to skid the top of the water. The ironic part is that moments before, RC was telling me how his brother had learned how to waterski barefoot… and here I was, waterskiing with my whole body. Well, minus my hands as they would not let go of the handles despite my brain screaming that it would probably be for the best if I did. Nope, I just hung on, body skimming the water. Finally, I let go and almost had to have my bathing suit surgically removed. 

Then RC and his brother, M, took a stab at it. I enjoyed watching RC try to get onto the tube while still out in the water. (That was, until I later tried to do the same and regretted my loud laughs). But it still made us giggle looking at the tube standing straight up and imagining his face behind it. He did manage to get on it, by the way.

RC looked a bit worried giving control over the wheel to his sons. This could have been the perfect opportunity to get back at him for making them clean up their rooms growing up. At one point, RC motioned to slow down and N relayed to the driver (R) that they wanted to speed up. Ah, sweet revenge.

Later, it was N and R’s turn. And even when they taunted us to try and knock them off the tube, they still held on. 

When they discussed jumping off the cliff, my initial reaction was NOOOOO. My foot could slip, I’ll not jump far enough out, I’ll land in the only shallow part of the lake, I’ll…I’ll… And then I noticed N starting to crack. He had already jumped off the cliff a year ago, but that didn’t stop him from getting nervous the second time around. And with him having a nervous breakdown beside me, it made me calmer. Maybe I’m a bit competitive? If no one is freaking out, I’ll be the most freaked out. If someone is freaking out, I will be the least affected. Pretty annoying, I know.

So RC, R, N, & I trekked our way to the top, bypassing the ominous 25 ft sign where all the normal people were jumping off. 

We finally made it to the top, only to find N just staring over the edge. Every once in a while he would yell “Just calm down. Everybody, just calm down!!” (as we stared at him calmly). Then when I moved closer by him to peer over the edge, he would yell that “we are all getting too close to him and need to calm down!” It was hysterical, because he was really being serious.

When RC got up there, he tossed his lifejacket, looked at us and then flew off the side yelling “God hates cowards!” Just like that. Like he had done this a thousand times. Then N threw his lifejacket over and stood there. After five minutes, I tossed mine and jumped over before N’s mumblings would paralyze me. Once I hit the water, the pain rippled through my body causing me to try and stay under as long as I could. For some reason, it felt better to hold my breath. Thoughts ran through my mind: Why did I have to sit in mid-air as if I were playing chess in front of a fire? Will I ever be able to sit again? How will I play duck, duck, goose? Am I going to have to sleep on the wall like the Coneheads? Do I really have to swim back up for a breath?

When I finally did come up for air, I heard N’s splash and then R’s (who did it perfectly, of course). I wanted to stay in the water for the rest of the day and not have to use anything lower than my waist (I told myself to stay away from raisins the rest of the evening). I couldn’t even pull myself up into the boat, my arms were so shaky. So R and N had to literally haul me up as if they had just harpooned me in Japanese waters. It was embarrassing, but in those moments, you just don’t care. 

My butt hurts.

Luckily, that night we went to a party which allowed me to drink a few glasses of wine to ease the pain. And it worked. More on the party, later. For now, I’ve got to go find a donut to sit on.

3 comments on “The reason my entire body aches:

  1. Bruce says:

    You have a way with words, Mrs. Collier.Say, did I ever tell you about the time my Jeep left me as I peered into the windows of a supposed topless barbershop? No? Call me sometime…-Bruce

  2. Carolyn says:

    Oh my gosh. I'm scared to hear the rest of your story. Hopefully you were wearing a helmet. Yes, in a jeep. Don't roll your eyes.

  3. […] Ruthie caught her first fish and I caught my first heart attack at watching the kids jump from a stone waterfall thing. Maybe it brought up bad memories of when I (broke? sprained?) my tailbone jumping off a cliff. Read at your own discretion here. […]

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