I was flipping through our school’s handbook and came across the Drug & Substance Abuse Policy. It listed some tendencies that could be indicators of said drug/substance abuse. One of those lists caught my eye…the Social Impairment list. Once I read it, I knew I was in trouble. I almost created my own personal intervention because I was convinced I had a drug or substance abuse problem solely based off this list.
“Carolyn, I know you smelt the fruit-scented Crayola markers daily while attending Kindergarten class. I love you, but this is what I will not do for you 23 years ago if you don’t stop smelling those markers. I will not allow you to watch Mary Poppins and pretend to be dancing with penguins. I will not let you go in the side yard to eat the weird orange-like fruit off that tree with your grade school friends..the fruit whose skin is sweet & edible and pulp is sour. Lastly, I will not allow you to sleep with your favorite teddy bear to whom you whispered nightly that if a robber came in, you would sacrifice yourself before him. Now, will you climb into that time-travel machine and get the treatment you need?”
From the blog posts alone, I can diagnose myself as being socially impaired. And off we go:
- Inappropriate verbal remarks (subjects/words/expletives)— my social impairment crosses cultures.
- Angry outbursts/unrestrained agitation — yelling in a enclosed stairwell at Six Flags.
- Crying that cannot be explained — I tried putting it into words, but don’t know if I conveyed the depth of it.
- Euphoria — Can you beat antiques, nature, and beach cruisers with a little wine tasting sprinkled throughout?
- Paranoia — accusing wild spiders of a failed assassination attempt.
- Hallucinations — thinking a hat was my adopted child.
Behaviors that are markedly changed for that individual such as:
- Introversion — at least for the first part.
- Extroversion — visiting friends.
- Sullen — reality is always devastating.
- Giddy — chocolate and stories.
- Irritable — that window guy was a jerk.
- Defensiveness — it didn’t have to throw it in my face like that, though.
There you have it. Take me or leave me. But, I’ve got to run. Gotta throw out all my fruit-scented markers so I can let my 5-yr old self watch Mary Poppins again.
cuethebanjo.com 
This is the first time I’ve ever weirded myself out.
You were present when I experienced #2: “Angry outbursts/unrestrained agitation”:It was the dreaded 4-way stop sign. Nobody would go when they were supposed to and I was feeling impatient. Everyone was just sitting there and starring at each other. So, I pushed my foot down as hard as possible and my SUV got air and we peeled off across the 4-way stop. All I could smell was rubber. The smoke from the rubber blocked my view….but I recall just holding the steering wheel in 2 & 10 o’clock positions. And the worst part? It was a 4-way stop sign inside of a parking lot. Unrestrained agitation. Thank you,Amy
You two are scaring me!!Still love ya both, Unc